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GOING FOR IT

John

John

FORUM MODERATOR
Staff member
Military Vet
Well gentlemen,I haven't touched weights in over a year,and I have ran a cycle in like 2 years,after my divorce 2.5 years ago,I lost most of my "give a fuck" that I had in me.i don't mind not being a husband anymore,but it absolutely kills me not being a full time dad anymore,as of late,the only thing that's been keeping me going is my love and care for my daughter,she's 14,a freshmen,on honor roll,plays 3 sports,can shoot multiple guns,even has her own pink camo Ruger 10-22....ive been in some real low places over the last year,suicide WAS on my brain a lot,but I couldn't imagine putting that type of grief on my family and daughter,and that's the only reason that stopped me,I had a gun in my mouth one night,and couldn't do it,I was a train wreck...with that being said,I talked to my exwife(were still good friends,wasn't a bad divorce)and talked to my daughter,indepth,apologizing for my mistakes(was abusing my own prescribed meds) and asked for their forgiveness,my ex has already forgiven me,my daughter hasn't yet,but that conversation took a fucking HUGE weight off my shoulders...I believe I am ready to get back at it,sometime in the near future I will be placing a order,most likely with @SavageLmuscle,it will be test p/c,with proviron for now, dont need a AI with that combo.went back in my notebook full of notes and such wrote out my plan,I got years years of notes fuck computers.ill have to adjust my diet been eating like shit.i have all my own equipment,but my two machines(Weiders) are still at my exs,I have all my free weights at my place.i have been extremely antisocial since my divorce,so it will take a act of God to get me back inside a gym,and I can walk to it....sooooo there's my rant,thanks for listening. Here's a pic of my beautiful daughter
20251220_095247.webp
 
Last edited:
My brother God works in mysterious ways, if you’re looking for a sign he will give you one. Sounds like your starting in the right place, one day at a time and keep trucking along. Look forward to see where you go in your journey 💪🏽
John said:
Well gentlemen,I haven't touched weights in over a year,and I have ran a cycle in like 2 years,after my divorce 2.5 years ago,I lost most of my "give a fuck" that I had in me.i don't mind not being a husband anymore,but it absolutely kills me not being a full time dad anymore,as of late,the only thing that's been keeping me going is my love and care for my daughter,she's 14,a freshmen,on honor roll,plays 3 sports,can shoot multiple guns,even has her own pink camo Ruger 10-22....ive been in some real low places over the last year,suicide WAS on my brain a lot,but I couldn't imagine putting that type of grief on my family and daughter,and that's the only reason that stopped me,I had a gun in my mouth one night,and couldn't do it,I was a train wreck...with that being said,I talked to my exwife(were still good friends,wasn't a bad divorce)and talked to my daughter,indepth,apologizing for my mistakes(was abusing my own prescribed meds) and asked for their forgiveness,my ex has already forgiven me,my daughter hasn't yet,but that conversation took a fucking HUGE weight off my shoulders...I believe I am ready to get back at it,sometime in the near future I will be placing a order,most likely with @SavageLmuscle,it will be test p/c,with proviron for now, dont need a AI with that combo.went back in my notebook full of notes and such wrote out my plan,I got years years of notes fuck computers.ill have to adjust my diet been eating like shit.i have all my own equipment,but my two machines(Weiders) are still at my exs,I have all my free weights at my place.i have been extremely antisocial since my divorce,so it will take a act of God to get me back inside a job,and I can walk to it....sooooo there's my rant,thanks for listening. Here's a pic of my beautiful daughterView attachment 22850
Click to expand...
 
I'll run that proviron 100 mg per day,my muscles are hardier,ill start getting grainy,and along with the test,my libido will be high,along with my energy
 
kingkonggainz said:
My brother God works in mysterious ways, if you’re looking for a sign he will give you one. Sounds like your starting in the right place, one day at a time and keep trucking along. Look forward to see where you go in your journey 💪🏽
Click to expand...
He gave it to me @Ripgut,I didn't pull that trigger.
 
And I ment to respond to you with that part but I tagged ripgut by mistake
 
kingkonggainz said:
Yes and everything in general. And yes I figured that with the wrong tag lol
Click to expand...
Well I'm not concerned about the women part of it,for the most part anyways,plus the ink on the divorce papers weren't dry and I was absolutely railing the bar tender across the street,it was awesome,going from being with the same woman and her vagina for 10 years, a new was outfuckingstanding.
 
I am not overly religious but this poem from The Chosen resonated with me when I heard it last week….the abyss in our mind/world/existence is scary but can not exist without its antithesis. Keep leaning into that.

Darkness is not the absence of light.
That would be too simple.
It is more uncontrollable and sinister.
Not a place, but a void.

I was there once.
More than once.
And although I could not see or hear you,
You were there.

Waiting.

Because the darkness is not dark to you.
At least, not always.
You wept…
Not because your friend was dead.
But because soon you would be.
And because we couldn’t understand it.
Or didn’t want to, or both.

The coming darkness was too deep for us to grasp.

But, then, so is the light.
One had to come before the other.
It was always that way with you.
It still is.

Tears fell from your eyes, and then ours,
Before every light in the world went out.
And time itself wanted to die with you.

I go back to that place sometimes,
Or rather, it comes back to me uninvited.
The night that was eternal,
Until it wasn’t.

Bitter, and then sweet.
But somehow the bitter remained in the sweet and has never gone away.
You told us it would be like that.
Not with your words, but with how you lived.

The man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
That grief wasn’t what we wanted to see.
So we tried to look away,
And in so doing fulfilled your very essence.

One from whom people hide their faces.

But soon we couldn’t hide from it any more,
Then we could stop the sun from setting.
Or rising.

I remember you wishing there could be another way.
And looking back, I do too.
I still don’t know why it has to be this way.
The bitter often mingled with the sweet.

Maybe I never will.
At least, not this side of….
 
Aude_Aliquid_Dignu said:
I am not overly religious but this poem from The Chosen resonated with me when I heard it last week….the abyss in our mind/world/existence is scary but can not exist without its antithesis. Keep leaning into that.

Darkness is not the absence of light.
That would be too simple.
It is more uncontrollable and sinister.
Not a place, but a void.

I was there once.
More than once.
And although I could not see or hear you,
You were there.

Waiting.

Because the darkness is not dark to you.
At least, not always.
You wept…
Not because your friend was dead.
But because soon you would be.
And because we couldn’t understand it.
Or didn’t want to, or both.

The coming darkness was too deep for us to grasp.

But, then, so is the light.
One had to come before the other.
It was always that way with you.
It still is.

Tears fell from your eyes, and then ours,
Before every light in the world went out.
And time itself wanted to die with you.

I go back to that place sometimes,
Or rather, it comes back to me uninvited.
The night that was eternal,
Until it wasn’t.

Bitter, and then sweet.
But somehow the bitter remained in the sweet and has never gone away.
You told us it would be like that.
Not with your words, but with how you lived.

The man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
That grief wasn’t what we wanted to see.
So we tried to look away,
And in so doing fulfilled your very essence.

One from whom people hide their faces.

But soon we couldn’t hide from it any more,
Then we could stop the sun from setting.
Or rising.

I remember you wishing there could be another way.
And looking back, I do too.
I still don’t know why it has to be this way.
The bitter often mingled with the sweet.

Maybe I never will.
At least, not this side of….
Click to expand...
Listen @Aude_Aliquid_Dignu,I'm just a mere Grunt,ground pounder,Infantryman,you can't be going all deep on me,my little brain doesn't comprehend...also I appreciate your support,so there's that.
 
John said:
Listen @Aude_Aliquid_Dignu,I'm just a mere Grunt,ground pounder,Infantryman,you can't be going all deep on me,my little brain doesn't comprehend...also I appreciate your support,so there's that.
Click to expand...
But I made sure it had mostly little words and I didn't even write in her accent!?! :LOL:
 
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