April 3rd installment of diets training and life

[John]

Good morning all.Was tire flipping this morning in the rain,it was cold an refreshing,then went inside the gym and did a short leg workout.Home now making breakfast which will be 5 HB eggs no yolk,1 plain bagel,banana,coffee water. Leaving for work soon,job site is about 1.3 miles from my place…my minds been all over lately,im a quarter of the way done stepping down dosage on my psych meds,im even stepping down the dose in smaller increments then my doc said to.Miligram im doing, 60,50,40,30,20,10, just made it to 40,and every 10 is a month,6 months to complete.Then the next one etc etc…its daunting sometimes,some days im a CLAYMORE,waiting for someone to cross me so i can explode on them,the next day im calm and quiet,and the day after that i dont want to leave for any reason.Anyfuckinways,thats where im at.Today i am grateful for my libido slowly making its return.Hope everyone has a smooth and productive day.

 

[Poppy]

Be patient my friend. Please don’t rush it. If you have to stay at a particular dose for more than a month, maybe you should contemplate that. You’ve got too much to offer to implode/explode.

 

[Poppy]

Been drizzling rain here all morning. Supposed to thunder boom later.

Training is on the bubble.

Girls went to myrtle beach yesterday and I have the house to myself. I didn’t even turn on the tv last night. Teleworking today.

Mighty quiet here with me and guard corgi and the cat.

 

[John]

I wont rush it,nor would i cold turkey it(AGAIN) last time i had a 12ga in my mouth,and the Cops had to drag me outta my bedroom,while my dad and exwife watched.Lesson Learned.

 

[Poppy]

Thank you

 

[Ripgut]

Same old chicken and rice. Grits and eggs. And my shake. Ate my six containers Monday and Tuesday… So I prepped some more today. Just eating a pound and a half of chicken per day…4 whole eggs and grits… Plus my home made shake .

 

[Poppy]

Putting away the groceries

 

[Dirtnasty]

Well hired coach got plan and still a piece of shit. It might just be over for me I’m all sorts of thoughts I haven’t in months and don’t really care about much right now

 

[Poppy]

@Dirtnasty

I really wished you could see yourself the way we see you.

You have way more going for you than you realize.

The world is a better place with you in it.

 

[Poppy]

Your initial recomp log was the first thing I read on here and the first post I made after the introduction stuff. I read every single post you made on it and thought “wow…this dude has it together and is laser focused”.

I believe you’re still that person.

 

[JLee]

@John , @Poppy , @Dirtnasty . Lots going on in this post today. All Im going to say is this place would not be the same without any of you. I’m grateful to be part of a board with such out fucking standing members!

 

[Poppy]

That goes for you too

 

[Dirtnasty]

Poppy you know I’m not religious again that’s the reason I’m in the spot I’m in. I was laying in bed Sunday morning not being able to sleep and my body froze in trance like state and I my brain couldn’t think of was wellbeing over power. For a good 30 minutes I was stuck and that just kept goig through my head. Now I had been thinking of talking to her about my steroid use and what she thought of it in the future with her kid around so maybe that was it. But maybe there is something telling me to acknowledge they’re more powerful than me and it will bring me wellbeing I don’t know. I just don’t want to lose this one but it’s also hard to sit here and just start believing something that I think isn’t true. I’ve told her even if I believed I higher being I doubt it would be the of the abrahmic thoughts. If there is something I think it would be to much for us to comprehend and the way man keeps trying to make religions around it does it no justice.

 

[Poppy]

I am on the way home. I will hit you back in a bit.

 

[Poppy]

Ok buddy…as always I have thoughts/opinions/beliefs on everything you said. With that being said… the only person that knows you is you for sure.

had been thinking of talking to her about my steroid use and what she thought of it in the future with her kid around so maybe that

My experience. If this does turn into “the” relationship you’ve been looking for… the truth is always best. I’ve had several friends that kept their ped use from their wives. When they did find out, it wasn’t pretty. I told my now wife about mine when we were dating so there’s no surprises.

something telling me to acknowledge they’re more powerful than me and it will bring me wellbeing

Peds? If so… nah. You’ve got a big dynamic personality… ped use is just something you do…a hobby if you will. It doesn’t define who you are… again just something you do… kind of like going to the gym or whatever kind of car someone drives… if it defines what kind of person they are…then there’s more issues that needs addressing. That’s not you.

also hard to sit here and just start believing something that I think isn’t true. I’ve told her even if I believed I higher being I doubt it would be the of the abrahmic thoughts. If there is something I think it would be to much for us to comprehend and the way man keeps trying to make religions around it does it no justice.

Opinion: you should NOT believe in something you don’t… there’s lots of snake oil salesmen out there selling jesus…allah… buddha… whatever… they believe in all that will make them money. Shame on them.

I believe mankind can take anything and I mean ANYTHING and completely perverse it up. Humans tend to go waaay overboard on just about everything. The real good preachers will be the first to say “I don’t know “… “I’ve got thoughts” after all, most religious texts are so old that the translation is a best guess anyways. Beware of the preachers that speak in facts interpretated from religious text of any kind. Shoot we can’t even get the truth out of our own government on current events most of the time.

 

[Poppy]

Poppy you know I’m not religious again that’s the reason I’m in the spot I’m in

Please don’t let this tear you up/down. I know you love that girl but if she doesn’t love you for who you currently are then that might be a red flag.

Imo… you’re just fine the way you are now. If you decide to go down the higher power path then you’ll still be you… just with different beliefs.

 

[John]

Yes this place is outfuckingstanding @JLee

 

[Dirtnasty]

Oh she knows about my steroid use would
Even ask why I used each one I used. My thing is would she be any that around her daughter. She may not of thought of that as she hadn’t thought of other things long haul future. It hurts but I think her and I have to just go out seperate ways. I feel like if I all of a sudden find god it’s likely just me trying to not lose her and less than likely a real awakening. I know her and I have some
Different views on things that may have eventually come to head so this could be a blessing that it ended with love and not hate

 

[Poppy]

You don’t have to agree on everything to get along/relationship… me and wifey definitely do not.

Seems like you’re taking a lot of heat on yourself for decisions she made.

 

[Dirtnasty]

Poppy it’s been noted here that I’m pretty pro gay and everything . She is not that probably would have been a sticking point for me eventually. Anyways it’s all moot at this point as she can’t marry outside of religion.