Life’s weird

[Dirtnasty]

I’m one week removed from winning my meet. I won’t lie for the past couple weeks I’ve been struggling with the depression pretty bad. But I knew I had the goal ahead of me so pressed through. At the meet I exchanged numbers with a woman similar age to me and we had been text back in forth since. Outside of my ex fiancé I really haven’t talked to many women as all
I do is work and gym. Today she text me and told me that a perosn from her past came back in and she was gojg to see where that went. Which I actually appreciated instead of just getting ghosted. So that kind of triggered the depression to worsen a bit. Here’s the where life is weird to me. I’m know to love using drugs and had planned for many weeks to do my ketamine treatment tonight but here I am can’t bring myself to do it as I don’t think I want the ketamine high. Also I oddly enough reached out to my ex in cincy hit the one down here earlier today to tell her how I won comp. And I know if I’m thinking of her it’s when I’m getting towards my lowest because im looking into my past. I’m just kind of ranting here becuase i sometimes have to get things out and if put something about feeling down I get my friend and his family trying to out Jesus in my life which only pissed me off more as they know I don’t believe in any of that. What is kostlyblikely going to happen now is I’m going to end up drinking much lore than I should tomorrow and then going into a k hole after the Ohio state so Sunday I’ll feel like ahit physically but not as bad mentally

 

[Cluster]

Hey brother im here if you want to shoot the shit or whatever, just know i deal w that shit also. Dust did a spell in down town a few weeks ago and it blows but i bet right knkw it wont help to try to remind ya that youve got so much goin for you right now and that i for one look up to you on the pl front. I know none of that means to much when facing a depression but know most on here are here for ya if you wanna vent or bs

 

[Poppy]

EDIT…let me add this. I’m in no way telling you your business.

What is kostlyblikely going to happen now is I’m going to end up drinking much lore than I should tomorrow and then going into a k hole after the Ohio state so Sunday I’ll feel like ahit physically but not as bad mentally

I broke that cycle a long time ago. I wished I could give you the secret. To be very honest…when I was using/abusing, it made me feel terrible physically and mentally afterwards … mentally it was like a train wreck happening in slow motion. I knew what was going to happen… I knew how bad I was going to feel… but I just couldn’t stop it.

I never ever liked how I felt afterwards and just quit because of that…a few years later along came baby girl and that pretty much sealed the deal. Quitting the go fast and alcohol was one of the best decision I’ve made in my whole life. Should of done it 30 plus years prior to that.

 

[Poppy]

I second what @Cluster said. You have way more to lose than you have to gain by getting sideways.

Most of us did/do it’s just getting there in our heads that’s difficult.

 

[John]

It sucks @Dirtnasty.I thought moving back home would kill my depression,but like you,every time I see my daughter I’m just reminded of my past fuck ups,then she leaves and I feel like a piece of shit who just can’t get it right.I use to believe I was destined to be alone and here I am living my destiny.
And your not ranting your getting it out which is what I do here also.

 

[Dirtnasty]

Well ranting getting it out same thing yeah. And I’m like you I feel like alone is what is meant for me. I can make friends easily I’m told I’m almost impossible to hate but when it comes to a relationship women tend to just not see me in that light. I think it’s why I kept going back to my one ex becuase even though it was very toxic and not healthy at all she wants to be with me most of the time. I’ll add to this depression being bad my ducking libido came back this week today was first morning wood in weeks and that’s probably not going to help my situation any. I’m fine being single I’m just not fine being single and then having zero social life out side of gym. I don’t feel mentally like shit after goign out and drinking I actualy feel great cuase im out with friends it’s the sitting here in room alone constantly that kills me. I could justify when in prep cause I had a purpose. But I still tell people I don’t love power lifiting. If given the choice of do the bar life over but I also know I can’t function as well in society at this age as do that so I do the powerlifting. I’ve basically not slept any I cried most the night and tried to search for jobs back in cincy where I just don’t see anything monetary appealing. So now lll ask people if they know of anything theat could be worth it or opportunities to move uo quickly. What good is having a great job if the everything else about the place you live you hate

 

[Dirtnasty]

Update something told me Monday juat to send a
Text asking if I could stil come to meet and cheer her on as friend Cause she does seem like the type of person I would be friends with even if not dating and well. The convo has been non stop since either that guy doesn’t want to be as serious as she thought or my non stop barrage of sexual text has won her over. I told her my test is still really high and I just got my libido back so I’m typhoon of sexual energy and she just happens to be in my path currently. Now the bad the more talk the more o do feel we are actually connecting and there is still a 2 hour drive between us and I’m not sure about starting a
Real relationship where I gots to drive everyWeek end for us to be together

 

[Poppy]

I was in one of those relationships once. On and off for 5 years or so. We would swap weekends.

 

[Poppy]

my non stop barrage of sexual text has won her over

Blahahaha Blahahaha

 

[Dirtnasty]

Well we are goig to do a lift eat and watch football date this weekend. She doesn’t have her kid this weekend so who knows how it ends if we click but she wants to wait I’m good I’ll see if my friend wants to have get together and have some smokes and drinks while I’m out there. So can’t lose I feel

 

[Rusty]

quickly. What good is having a great job if the everything else about the place you live you hate

Same thing I tell my kids with work, sports, life choices. You have to enjoy what you do. If it’s not fun then why bother. Go to college or work in trades or factory whatever. Make sure you enjoy it and of course has to be good enough income to support your lifestyle. Also one or two real good friends is better then a bunch of friends. If your happy I’m cincy but money isn’t as good but it’s enough then go back to Cincy. My two cents

 

[Dirtnasty]

Well like clock work she canceled date yesterday and isn’t talking to me anymore. Shit hurts man. I’ve only been able to convince three women in the past 9 years to actually go on date with me and one of those was just fwb so really only two women have met me with intentions rhat a relationship is a possibility. I think I may just go for a drive and see i can get my mind right. I tried sleeping but cant do that I just don’t know what to with my life

 

[Poppy]

I’ve only been able to convince three women in the past 9 years to actually go on date with me

Interesting way to look at it. I’ve got a lot of opinions on all the men/women relationship stuff. I gotta get some coffee in me first.

 

[Dirtnasty]

You know I think it’s getting harder for guys women are starting to become more educated than men yet they don’t want to date down as they say. Add that to the fact I’m the. Bible Belt and my beliefs are different that already cuts out a big portion of the dating pool for me. I find maybe it was a city to rural thing but one’s religious beliefs was as big a deal when I was in cincy as it is here. I did get a match her locally on dating APp with a Fellow buckeye fan but even in short conversation I can tell it’s probably not goig to go anywhere. That other chick I just felt from the rip like out convos were effortless

 

[Mossy1985]

Conversation is a lot. Maybe chick will come around. They tend to cling to ex’s pretty hard and ex’s try harder when they see a new dude has her attention.

 

[Dirtnasty]

We were having very sexual conversations but I always made it clear I wasn’t expecting to sleep with her first time out just my libido was high after being non existent and having elevated test. It was fine for days but once I made a
Comment about me toning it done on Thursday as I knew I was being maybe a bit much she just text back it wasn’t going to work and she was very sexual but told me it wasn’t happening first date and now she didn’t think she would feel comfortable. I think she was just looking for excuse. I sent video of squat fail tiger e and she said it was small and sent screen shot of her phone there were 114 unread mesaged and I know think those are probably from other guys she did same thing to. Oh well I may never find anyone to spend my life wi th but I can’t dwell in the ones who don’t want me. Got to move forward I gave her a day of my life feeling shitty. I’m going to just try and get some socializing in life so I’m not at home
Feeling alone