Natural competitor making a BIG decision

Hi guys …
Well, I’m new here, never talked to anyone, but i feel like a need to share something with strangers that certainly felt, feel, or understand me without judgement.
I’m a 27 guy, NATURAL (100% clean, not even cutting drug) competitor in bodybuilding.
I competed several times, and had pretty decent results. First national in Junior (23, max age). First place in the first step category, I even went to the overall with the “big guys”.
Then still completly natural, i competed to an IFBB and another untested show. I was f*** shreded.
Not your “shreded” friend who is barely 10% and flexs his abs the whole day… I was mindblowing shreded. I could FEEL and SEE my GLUTE striation through my ADIDAS legging. I could even see my LYMPH NODES on my ABS, BACK, NECK … My wife is used to see me shreded but this time guys … It was next level.
I ended my 5 month cut at 1100 Kcal the WHOLE LAST MONTH lmao. I still can’t believe while i’m writing it.

As you may guess, i got REKT, totally fucked by the other guys at that IFBB.
On 16 i ended 6, even if everyone in the backstage was laughting and joking about my crazy shreded glute and lower back, which, for them, was due to diuretics (I never stopped drinking water… even before going on stage while puming).

I know that I have a real potentiel to do something in bodybuilding, my structure is good my legs are good and so on. But i’m still wondering if it’s really worth it.
I feel like, by enhancing myself, I’d lose the pride to be the “natty” guy in the backstage, the one that everyone admires … but still get rekt/stole.

I’d like to compete in lightweight because 1- I don’t want to take 10 grams of drugs/week. 2- I’m not a tall guy (171 cm). 3- My structure makes me naturally look big while i’m still very light.

Here are my questions.
Has anyone ever lived the situation/temptation i’m living right now ?
Is it worth it ?
What’s my f**** problem ?
 
Welcome aboard. Never competed in bodybuilding competition… I don’t think anyone on here will tell you what’s your problem is. AAS is a personal choice. Once you get on. It’s hard to get off. If you have an addictive personality. Maybe it’s not for you. Some cruise forever. (Me) why? I’m older. I like to stay hard. Lift heavy shit. Feel good. Has nothing to do with competition. But with myself. If you got pros telling you look shit hot natural, I’d personally look into a trainer. @PHD competes. Maybe he can give you a competitive outlook on it. But from my perspective, nothing wrong with you. Stay clean. It’s honorable. And once again it’s what you choose to do ultimately…
 
Welcome to the board.
I have never completed in bodybuilding.
But I do compete in other hobbies and I believe in my mind it comes down to what are you willing to do to win and still look at yourself and be happy. It’s all about you and nothing to do about what others think or believe. If you want to compete with 15 others that are using gear to get an edge. Then you’ll have to decide if you want to go that route. But gear is a big step and it is never ending for those with a competitive mind.
Just my .02.
I won’t judge and no one should , whether you do or don’t use gear to get an edge on the competition.
 
Where you been PHD? Working hard? Haven’t seen much of you lately and thought you’d gone full blown isolation. 😂
 
Shit we been working man. I’m off this week but hopefully be back out next week. “I’m essential” lol

I’ve just been chilling I had a good bulk with ment then this happened so we dropped to trt and once all this is over be ready to blast.

How you been @TBU
 
Well I’m glad your working. Seems like a lot of my friends are getting laid off. I’ve been good. Been working from home for the last two weeks. Building a prison gym in my basement. Trying to maintain. Was going to start a new Test/Tren and proviron cycle this Monday, but going to wait till the gyms reopen. Or I get my gym basement done. Which ever comes sooner. Seems like we both are on a cruise for a few weeks longer.
 
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Yes best thing to do with no gym and real weights. My buddy has a garage gym we been using but not sure I’ll be able to keep going. We have lock down starting at midnight. I could always carry my essential letter I guess lol
 
Hi guys,
as requested, i post some pictures.
Just to mention, i developped some psychologic trouble from my first prep, which ended in a compulsive need to erase every picture of me … I know it’s strange, but i couldn’t stand my own image in picture, nothing dysmophic, but i couldn’t stand the process of taking picture, believe it or not, i just have 0 pictures of me during my second prep, i don’t have any picture of me on stage for my 3 shows …
It’s a part of my questioning here, maybe i’m too obsessed with all these shits ?
My wife (which is my since we are 14) always know me OBSESSED with performance. I competed at national level in various sports, thai boxing, boxing etc … But bodybuilding is a whole other level, time goes by and the passion is still burning me so, so hard. I train every f**** day, I eat 5x a day no matter what. I know what i’m eating but i’m not obsessed with calories counting process during my offseason. I’m lean year around.
The pics you are seeing here are ALL 1 year old at least. Since then, I did great gains, but i’m not taking pictures anymore. I’m not in social medias anymore, my wife has an insta in my name (lol) she posts some family stuff blababla, but i pref not knowing what. Social medias are a part of the problem for me, even if i’m a geek, i always prefered intimate and discreet atmosphere of forums.

Here are the commented pics, i’ll supress in 24h.
Pics ARE GONE , SORRY 🙂

That’s pretty much everything i have …
I was wayyy more shreded for my last show. But my prep was so hard, sometime i couldn’t even stand on my feet because of hypoglycemia (price to pay to be under 5-6% natty i guess).
I realise that i made major gains on my arms since my first show.
As you can see, my biceps are the shortest in the world, but peaks really hard from the front and the back.
Since these pics i took 3 cm (1.2 inch) on my arms (compared at the same BF).

I regret i can’t show you my striated glute, or some stage pics … I know my brother have some. If i can overcome some issues within me, maybe i could get those pics.

I know i’m a bit of an oxymoron, saying i don’t want to take/have pics and post some here but it’s more the process of taking pics that causes me problems nowadays. I don’t know where it comes from, it’s relatively new to me lol even my doctor says i should jave some hypnosys treatment to help me overcome this obsession/disorred.

I whish you all the best with covid-19 guys and girls !
 
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speaking from the heart, it was a huge decision i spent many years contemplating … then woke up one day and realized when i die i’m going to be a skeleton in the ground whether i juiced or not. never looked back. you’re building yourself into a machine and doing great job til this point naturally, why would you not utilize every available resource in this life to take your potential to the next level. in my opinion taking gear is as normal as a cup of coffee in the morning. we grew up hating steroids because MLB told us barry bonds was a cheater. fuck that, i always wear my bonds jersey when i go out now to advocate for sauce and i always hit a home run at the end of the night 😆

there’s also nothing wrong with being natural, it’s cool too. there’s absolutely no pressure but my point is it’s not as big of a deal as we make it out to be in our heads
 
You must be right man.
To be honnest what’s trigering me is that i trained in gold gym btw 18/02 ans 28/02 2020, i encountered some pros, stanimal, shown Roden, Charles Glass, and much more.
I talked to some of them, posed in the posing room (i haven’t met Arnold, i missed him at 30 mins the first day :confused:)
Some of these guys told me flankly " what are you waiting for ? I wasn’t 50% of what you are when i started gear " lol I was litterally shaking out of … out of what ? i don"t know but it shocked me litteraly.

Sometime i think about Dorian Yates who started gear 1 year and a half after his first weight lifting session, responded SOOOO well to minimum amounts of gear that he became a nation champion just with a few orals (lol) and everyone knows what was comming next.

I’m not seeing myself as the next Dorian, not at all, but yeah, I’d like to believe that muscle growth if infinite for me naturally, but it’s not.

My perfect physique, my vision is somewhere between Frank Zane and Benfatto Francis. Two very light guys but wow, so, so impressive !! That’s what i’m looking for !
 
My opinion you don’t eat near enough. It’s amazing what food can do. Being shredded isn’t going to win you shows. You have to flow and have a package that can go on to the next level.

I compete nationally and I’ve been close to getting my pro card a few times last year I was one place away from turning pro. I’d up my food big time. You don’t need to do gear unless you are ready. I didn’t for a long time. Until one day I saw a little guy at the gym I’ve known for long time explode and was way bigger than me I said fuck it what’s he doing. They said he jumped on gear. The next week I started my first cycle. So really it’s not something you have to do. Just when you’re ready. But like @TBU said once you start you won’t ever stop. My buddy told me that also. So think long and hard and stick to your believes.
 
Can I make a suggestion? Before you go down the path and spend money on AAS. Spend the money on a quality trainer. @PHD is no joke. He can help you with diet/training/supplements… Look at some of his pics on here and some of the people he has helped. Invest in a good program first. I don’t think you have even reached your natural potential yet. I think with a good diet plan and some other training you could gain 10-15 pounds natural. You have some great genetics. Just need to find tune a few things. Good luck in your future. Natural or enhanced, just be prepared for it.
 
Thank you.
As a coach, I already had some great coach for my last prep in the name of greg doucette.
I’m also a fan of John Meadows, year around I’m following their principes.
I won my 2 first shows without any coach, I know how to train (i’m not saying i’m better than anyone).
The sad reality is that year around I eat something like 3k2 35k calories/day.
When i’m cutting, to be f*** shreded, I have to go deeeep in the deficit for the last month, because at that stage i’m already very lean, but i need that extra edge to make my quads/glute/lower back very dry and clean of any fat.
Here is a video of me curling during my first prep. I was a month 1/2 of my first show.
SORRY, VIDEO IS GONE 🙂

I have a cedentary job, I don’t have a rocket high metabolism even if it’s decent and I don’t do cardio anymore (except during my preps) since i stopped boxing. I pref to keep my energy levels high to train hard 7/7 !
 
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