Everything has been good the last few days, been happy, haven’t had bad thoughts, haven’t been locked inside my head dwelling on shit I can’t escape from my past… today was a good day, sun was up, everyone is happy, then out of nowhere it did a full fucking 180 and turned into a fucking shit storm, everything is dark, I can’t escape what’s in my head, I can’t escape the fact that I’m a shitty fucking husband, probably end even shittier dad, and just a piece of fucking shit human in general… all I want to do is disappear, everyone would be ALOT better off without me around, and I can’t get it out of my head that I just need to be gone…
I know I need help, my wife tells me all the time I need help… I struggle to talk to people, I avoid change, put me in a room full of people I don’t know and I wouldn’t talk to one of them, I can barely talk to my wife. The words are there, I just can’t spit them out, doesn’t work… the meds help less and less and honestly sometimes I feel like I’m on the verge of a full on melt down
I know I need help, my wife tells me all the time I need help… I struggle to talk to people, I avoid change, put me in a room full of people I don’t know and I wouldn’t talk to one of them, I can barely talk to my wife. The words are there, I just can’t spit them out, doesn’t work… the meds help less and less and honestly sometimes I feel like I’m on the verge of a full on melt down