Potential for better sex or frequency

[Shock6050]

Just wanted to share a recent “technique” if you will for those of us in fairly long marriages or relationships, especially with young kids, though may work in other situations.

Just some backstory on me to see if it can relate. Married at 25 to an amazing wife who I would to this day do anything for. We also have 5 kids so that makes after hours actives challenging, and for the most part we determine from day to day when we plan to be intimate (yeah miss some spontaneousness from our early years, but it works for us). She is also more of a submissive type, not in the literal BDSM sense at all LOL, but almost always has deferred to me to initiate anything. She has a strong sex drive so rarely get the I’m too tired or excuse like that, which I’m sure is valid at times, but nevertheless rare.

The scenario that recently has been quite successful is to suggest 2 options when the time seems right. Basically in evening present her with saying something like I completely understand if you may be a bit too tired once kids finally go down and suggest if she’d prefer an early morning “nudge” for some “special time” about an hour before any of the kids get up. In quotes just use what you prefer to call it.

In hindsight, I never thought I’d come across this, but morning sex can great (even better than at night). She is more of a morning person than I, but if I have the green light to slowly wake her up, zero problem for me setting my alarm a bit early to just get cleaned up and ready (nothing extravagant). Recently, from slowly waking her up I seriously do not remember the last time she was so physically responsive when taking it slow sometimes pulling off multiple orgasms which is much more rare during other hours. I think I’ve read first thing in morning is when some hormones peak naturally so may be a scientific explanation for it.

Moral of story, if there’s a will you can usually find a way to make things work no matter how busy you are.

Also have noticed my overall mood for the entire day and am much more calm particularly when working with those more challenging co-workers.

May be old news for you guys but just something I discovered recently.

 

[Dirtnasty]

I’ve been doing morning sex for ages. For some reason. It seems I can usually last
Longer in the morning than night

 

[TG1]

For me it’s always been easiest in the mornings. Before our daughter was born we had a rule to always sleep naked unless that time of the month. We’d go bed at different times but once awake turning over and feeling that ass waiting is the perfect way to start the day.

 

[Shock6050]

100% to both @Dirtnasty and @TG. Early morning just didn’t hit me for whatever reason since kids are up quite early, so a little planning is needed but was pleasantly surprised she was very on board with it. Agree at end of day we are both usually exhausted. So after a good sleep we are both well rested and as mentioned really starts the day off nicely.

Another thing that definitely helps is throughout the day just do the little things to show how much you appreciate her. I actually kind of enjoy washing dishes (put some music on and is kind of therapeutic for me), doing laundry often, and cleaning house up, and that takes added stress away from her…I also like to periodically send flowers to her school “just because” (in back of mind I also like to think the other teachers are a bit jealous when she gets a surprise delivered for no real reason at all).

Essentially, these are things imo we in a relationship should be doing anyways since we are in this together. The more honey do stuff I can get done the greater the chance for some special time, which of course isn’t the only reason for doing them.

 

[Dirtnasty]

I’m hoping for morning sex in the near f future

 

[TG1]

I actually kind of enjoy washing dishes

We just take turns on it all. If she has things to do for work I’ll handle it all and vice versa. My dad used to say if you’re a man you don’t need someone to wipe your ass for you. You can clean shit yourself.

 

[Shock6050]

Thought this probably would be a new topic/thread, but just adding it on here since this just happened days after posting a positive realization that benefited my relationship with my wife.

So, to get to it, after church on Sunday early afternoon I had taken a nap. Was woke up pretty abruptly and definitely valid as my wife just found out her dad who has Type I diabetes passed out in his house and was fortunately found through a wellness check within 24-48 hours. Still trying to process this and that her sister already took off a state away to get there. Then progressed to talks about my wife going up there which I expected, and had some concerns given we have 5 kids and I need to work in the office most of these next couple weeks but will make it work as kids are in school and can’t go along anyways (would be best if she went alone which we both agreed). I just raised some concerns that dropping kids off at times varying from 8-10am and pick up at 3pm will be a bit challenging to be sure I meet my obligations at work. My job essentially pays for almost all things we need for the house and utilities and at this time it’s a bit sketchy with layoffs and such though I’ve been at the same company for over 12 years. This immediately went downhill, but recognize how stressful this is for her being her dad, so believe that played a big part. Things unfortunately escalated and I started to feel attacked about my work concerns, though I support and am onboard with whatever she needs.

Basically just took her to our room where it was just us talking. Apologized as when I was first waking up this was a lot to handle at once and could have handled the news better. The claim that bothers me the most is that she really blew up and was yelling that I always talk over her. I calmly just said I didn’t realize I do that and am sorry if that is the case. Still didn’t help matters. Asked to please give me a just one example when I’ve done this as I honestly was completely unaware she felt this way (nothing but a response that she doesn’t keep scores or whatever). Since then things have calmed down, but still feel I’m still in the doghouse. Told her whatever you need we will make it work.

It’s a ton of stress dealing with an immediate family member that had a medical emergency so believe that is the main factor (not same but 6 years ago lost my dad to suicide so can somewhat relate). Been married over 15 years and never had a reaction like this from her before so not sure how to handle this. My plan is to be as supportive as possible and help around the house more than I already do to help take some stress off, and give her some space. I would do anything for her and try my best to do the little things to show how much I appreciate her.

Any advice on how to navigate this?

 

[Poppy]

You’re dealing with a female under (rightful) stress… not sure there’s any way to handle it.

She’s concerned about her pops… I get that… her being gone could put your job in jeopardy… I get that…

Maybe call in yalls support system/team to help with kiddos while she’s gone….

 

[Shock6050]

Yes 100% right. I should have recognized this rather than take anything she said personal as it definitely was primarily related to her concern with her dad given she just recently found out what happened. I gave her added space and time by taking the kids out for a walk and watched a movie in the basement with them so she could just relax a bit without kids running wild around. Just was thrown off as I honestly don’t recall the last time we actually had a real argument (sure little things here and there but those just pass in an hour or 2 usually). Currently focusing on doing all I can to support her and take on as many household related chores/tasks, as emotions, as expected, are elevated given the situation.

All is good now which I am pretty confident with as today (to tie this back to the original point of this thread) she actually initiated a little early morning activities. Always learning even after 13 years married how to navigate the waters.