So, after years of me fucking up and overstepping boundaries…which i was so used to doing before we got together. I didn’t know how to love and accept love. What I thought love was mainly a physical thing and not emotional.
First 3 years I kept in contact with people from my past as I used to do, then finally realized i was overstepping, I was also immigrating to Canada at this time.
We were instantly Fire and Ice…She is negative and over-thinking… where I am always happy and take things as they come, and that’s from me being homeless for 15 years.
After so long it took its toll on me with the constant put-downs and controlling ways, one day i came home from work and told her i was leaving.
I left…and was instantly branded a cheater and liar even though i wasn’t seeing anyone … i just couldn’t be with her at the time.
So after a month of talking ,i had book a vacation in florida took her with me, and decided we should try one more time.
Came back and moved to another city with nothing but a van of clothes and a computer and tools.
It was good at the start…but quickly we both fell into the same habits…I got her a job with me, and heard her non-stop putting people down or complaining and judging. She got fired.
While all this is happening we barely had sex due to me…not her. If we did do anything it would be multiple times a week and then nothing for months and months.
I didn’t do anything wrong the past 8 years this go around except not show her the affection she needed.
She isn’t to blame… although she lied about stupid things, nagged, and judged the fuck out of every single thing anyone did around her… she loved me more than i deserved.
I eventually made friends with a family ( grandmother, daughter her husband, and kids) in an apartment…that at times needed a ride to the mechanics
Anyone that knows European people knows that after you know them they’ll always offer coffee or cake at noon, I was invited to the 16th bday party of the niece… so I popped up and I was asked to video and send it… so they have multiple copies…there a half-hour with the entire family and left.
On another occasion, grandmother offers coffee at noon…so i sat down and the niece called and the aunt sat down and took a selfie with me and sent it to her and me. Remember the lady is married…
So on my bday, she sent a photo of a photo of her and her daughter. to me and wished me a happy bday.
So not thinking anything of it I never deleted anything.
The lady’s husband came beating on my door at 1 30 in the morning and my wife answered…he was yelling and screaming that I was up there fucking his wife…but she knew I was in bed.
this past Saturday the wife asked to look through my phone ask she suspected me of cheating since we didn’t have sex in a year.
Of course, i had nothing but she saw the photos and without any context, it looked really bad. and decided i was cheating.
Mentioned I was looking to buy shoes which meant I was trying to impress a lady…then found hemorrhoid tuck and suppositories, figured i was gay…ect ect
Now don’t get me wrong. Our relationship was a train wreck for a long time… but we held on and held on.
But i got tired of hearing how I’m wasting her life but not being more affectionate…and so many other crappy things.
So she also has pancreas issues and hasn’t worked in over a year and a half… and came up with a thousand excuses not to work… so she is basically broke. Even her kids told her to work and save money obviously is wasn’t working out… as she slept in a separate bed in the other room for almost 3 years.
I feel absolutely horrible she believes I did something and I’m trying to salvage some type of relationship with her kids as i raised them 16 years. but she telling them all kinds of shit that makes no sense, and telling them and her FB friends and our neighbors that I am kicking her out broke and sick, even though I didn’t.
Everyone thinks it’s the best… but I find it hard… after 16 years. I know it’s a comfort issue too.
I’m hurting boys …and honestly at 47… haven’t been single in 20+ years im scared.
Thanks for listening
First 3 years I kept in contact with people from my past as I used to do, then finally realized i was overstepping, I was also immigrating to Canada at this time.
We were instantly Fire and Ice…She is negative and over-thinking… where I am always happy and take things as they come, and that’s from me being homeless for 15 years.
After so long it took its toll on me with the constant put-downs and controlling ways, one day i came home from work and told her i was leaving.
I left…and was instantly branded a cheater and liar even though i wasn’t seeing anyone … i just couldn’t be with her at the time.
So after a month of talking ,i had book a vacation in florida took her with me, and decided we should try one more time.
Came back and moved to another city with nothing but a van of clothes and a computer and tools.
It was good at the start…but quickly we both fell into the same habits…I got her a job with me, and heard her non-stop putting people down or complaining and judging. She got fired.
While all this is happening we barely had sex due to me…not her. If we did do anything it would be multiple times a week and then nothing for months and months.
I didn’t do anything wrong the past 8 years this go around except not show her the affection she needed.
She isn’t to blame… although she lied about stupid things, nagged, and judged the fuck out of every single thing anyone did around her… she loved me more than i deserved.
I eventually made friends with a family ( grandmother, daughter her husband, and kids) in an apartment…that at times needed a ride to the mechanics
Anyone that knows European people knows that after you know them they’ll always offer coffee or cake at noon, I was invited to the 16th bday party of the niece… so I popped up and I was asked to video and send it… so they have multiple copies…there a half-hour with the entire family and left.
On another occasion, grandmother offers coffee at noon…so i sat down and the niece called and the aunt sat down and took a selfie with me and sent it to her and me. Remember the lady is married…
So on my bday, she sent a photo of a photo of her and her daughter. to me and wished me a happy bday.
So not thinking anything of it I never deleted anything.
The lady’s husband came beating on my door at 1 30 in the morning and my wife answered…he was yelling and screaming that I was up there fucking his wife…but she knew I was in bed.
this past Saturday the wife asked to look through my phone ask she suspected me of cheating since we didn’t have sex in a year.
Of course, i had nothing but she saw the photos and without any context, it looked really bad. and decided i was cheating.
Mentioned I was looking to buy shoes which meant I was trying to impress a lady…then found hemorrhoid tuck and suppositories, figured i was gay…ect ect
Now don’t get me wrong. Our relationship was a train wreck for a long time… but we held on and held on.
But i got tired of hearing how I’m wasting her life but not being more affectionate…and so many other crappy things.
So she also has pancreas issues and hasn’t worked in over a year and a half… and came up with a thousand excuses not to work… so she is basically broke. Even her kids told her to work and save money obviously is wasn’t working out… as she slept in a separate bed in the other room for almost 3 years.
I feel absolutely horrible she believes I did something and I’m trying to salvage some type of relationship with her kids as i raised them 16 years. but she telling them all kinds of shit that makes no sense, and telling them and her FB friends and our neighbors that I am kicking her out broke and sick, even though I didn’t.
Everyone thinks it’s the best… but I find it hard… after 16 years. I know it’s a comfort issue too.
I’m hurting boys …and honestly at 47… haven’t been single in 20+ years im scared.
Thanks for listening
that. Next month. Four year after we met. I asked her to marry me. I just realized. It wasn’t anything I’ve done in the past. It was my ex. All of it. Years of manipulating me. Using sex as a incentive or a weapon. Was 3 years at one stretch no sex. I never cheated. While I could have, I thought. If I did it would kill her. Well she almost killed me by cheating. Thank the gods for my children. For if it wasn’t for them, I’d have eaten a lead pez. The moral of my life story is. Expect the unexpected. And choose when you want to move forward. You’ll be fine. Take a break and be a bit selfish. Do things you wouldn’t do on a whim. I went to DC on a no shit text from an old friend to hang out. Talked on a Friday morning. By Friday afternoon I was in DC for a weekend. What a great fucking time. Enjoy life. Because we only get one chance. And bring miserable will slowly beat you up. Trying to figure out why? Just as deadly. Learn from it. Grow. It’s worth the trip. 
:+1:t3:
