FRIDAY UPDATE:
After 6 days of twice a day cardio, fasted weight lifting 3 days in a row, and all cardio morning workouts fasted, things just felt off today. I started training biceps and triceps fasted and I was very flat and not into it. I stopped after a few giant sets. My gut was telling me I could get injured. Today, I’m going to have 5 protein/oat shakes then pig out for my Friday night cheat meal. My mind is off too. I’m lacking dopamine or something, not depressed but not cool either. Yep, I want to take my clonazolam benzo with my night chest meal again. If I do I’ll concentrate my ass off not to sleep on my hand in a contorted fashion.
I just want to escape mentally and feel good for a night. I’ve been under a ton of stress. This week there were several times it looked like my mom was dead. She was gone. Thankfully, she seems ok today. I don’t handle death well. I get very, very angry!